Evolution

No, I'm not going to debate the hot topic. I'm talking about mine.





I don't carry my planner with me wherever I go. I've carried a planner with me constantly for at least 6 years. Ever since I started being busy in high school, I've had a planner to organize my life. But I don't carry one with me anymore. I have one. I like it. But it's not chock full of events and necessary to keep my life in order. I don't need to keep track of papers and tests that are coming up. I don't have to write down the reading I have to do for the next class period. I don't have spring breaks or Thanksgiving vacations or the first/last day of classes to note, because they aren't a part of my life anymore.





Transitions.





I'm still going to CSF on Friday nights. But it's weird. I'm not there to really dig in and get to know a bunch of new people. I'm there to worship. Now if only I could worship...





I work all day. Work is a good chunk of my life. I've learned some things about myself from work, which I appreciate. I don't have to work after work. When I leave work, I'm done. No homework, no reading. My time is my time. I odn't have to feel guilty about not feeling guilty for not doing my homework. But work tends to drain me. I feel like at the end of the day my bring has been stretched, and I have to recharge before I'm fully functional again.



Transitions...



I didn't realize how much life in 'the city' changes a person. I was out in rural central Illinois last weekend and while I can see stars from my apartment, these were amazing. The kind of sky you only see out in the middle of nowhere. It was beautiful. Night time driving has also changed. I used to drive out in the country all the time and it was normal to switch between regular lights and brights. Now when I'm out in the country I forget that I have brights because I never use them in town. It's just so different.



Transitions...



I'm not sure how to transition like this. I haven't had to go through this before. I'm an adult? I'm an adult.



I've been trying to figure out what is wrong with me/my life. I knew, in the back of my head, I knew. But God's been kindly showing me everywhere what it is. I'm trying to take small steps to get back in communication with Him. I bought a Beth Moore Bible study. That has to count for something, right? I hope to get myself started in it soon.



I'm trying to be me. I'm being independent. I don't know how to be independent and dependent and the same time. I need to be independent so that I can take care of myself. I need to be independent so I can do things myself. I need to be able to build my own bookshelves, move, go to the store, eat, and just be, on my own. Except I don't bake cakes anymore because it's sad to eat one by yourself and have it dry out before it's eaten. *sad face*

That's all for now. I'll have more soon, I'm sure.