Buy present, get dressed up, eat cake, repeat.

I used to feel like all I ever do is go to weddings. Then I made a list of all the weddings I've been to. I wasn't crazy.

Since Labor Day, 2003, I've been to 17 weddings, with #18 and #19 on the way.

1. Jason and Melissa, Labor Day, 2003
2. Heather and JR, 2004?
3. Joel and Angie, 2004?
4. Jason & Ashley, 2005
5. Marissa & Ryan, 2005
6. Rusty and Dianna, 2006?
7. Hannah and Tad, 2005
8. Heather and Matt, 2006
9. Vince and Alexis, 2006
10. Erin & John, 2007
11. Melissa & Dan, 2007
12. Cat and Jeff, 2007
13. Mallory & Ben, 2007
14. Lindsey & David, 2007
15. Ashley & Brandon, 2008
16. Sarah & David, 2008
17. Brittany & Chris, 2008

Weddings to come...
18. Anna & Mike, 2008
19. Sarah & Aaron, 2009?

So, who's going to be #20? If you get married before Labor Day, 2008, you'll make my 20th wedding in 5 years! I promise to get you an extra special present for that honor!

I keep doing grown up things and each time I think "now I'm an adult" but I still don't feel like one. I started paying on my student loans. I finally got my staff ID for UIS and gave up my student ID. I pay bills. I'm moving into an apartment by myself. I have a retirement plan. I guess I thought that the newness of being an adult would begin to wear off and it wouldn't scare me so much, but each time I do a new adult thing I still get a little freaked out. When does it stop being scary?

I've been trying new things. Like switching to diet coke instead of classic, regular, wonderful coke. I switched shampoos, had a real (well, more real than I've had before) coffee, and got a new chap stick.

It's December! Time for cold, and wind, and ice and maybe snow. I learned that since I'm the closest one to campus in my office, I'm the one who gets to trek in on bad snow days. Hopefully I'll be able to make it out of the parking lot.

I'm moving. Did I mention that? I don't really want to move again. I like it here. I know I'm not moving far, just across the parking lot, but still. It's another change, another adjustment. Unpacking. Stress. Not being able to find things.

Anyway, I'll get over it. I don't have much of a choice, right?

Have a good night!

Sad Cake

I've never baked a cake that remained untouched for 4 days.

I'm sure it smells and tastes like salsa and mexican food now. I might as well just toss it.

Evolution

No, I'm not going to debate the hot topic. I'm talking about mine.





I don't carry my planner with me wherever I go. I've carried a planner with me constantly for at least 6 years. Ever since I started being busy in high school, I've had a planner to organize my life. But I don't carry one with me anymore. I have one. I like it. But it's not chock full of events and necessary to keep my life in order. I don't need to keep track of papers and tests that are coming up. I don't have to write down the reading I have to do for the next class period. I don't have spring breaks or Thanksgiving vacations or the first/last day of classes to note, because they aren't a part of my life anymore.





Transitions.





I'm still going to CSF on Friday nights. But it's weird. I'm not there to really dig in and get to know a bunch of new people. I'm there to worship. Now if only I could worship...





I work all day. Work is a good chunk of my life. I've learned some things about myself from work, which I appreciate. I don't have to work after work. When I leave work, I'm done. No homework, no reading. My time is my time. I odn't have to feel guilty about not feeling guilty for not doing my homework. But work tends to drain me. I feel like at the end of the day my bring has been stretched, and I have to recharge before I'm fully functional again.



Transitions...



I didn't realize how much life in 'the city' changes a person. I was out in rural central Illinois last weekend and while I can see stars from my apartment, these were amazing. The kind of sky you only see out in the middle of nowhere. It was beautiful. Night time driving has also changed. I used to drive out in the country all the time and it was normal to switch between regular lights and brights. Now when I'm out in the country I forget that I have brights because I never use them in town. It's just so different.



Transitions...



I'm not sure how to transition like this. I haven't had to go through this before. I'm an adult? I'm an adult.



I've been trying to figure out what is wrong with me/my life. I knew, in the back of my head, I knew. But God's been kindly showing me everywhere what it is. I'm trying to take small steps to get back in communication with Him. I bought a Beth Moore Bible study. That has to count for something, right? I hope to get myself started in it soon.



I'm trying to be me. I'm being independent. I don't know how to be independent and dependent and the same time. I need to be independent so that I can take care of myself. I need to be independent so I can do things myself. I need to be able to build my own bookshelves, move, go to the store, eat, and just be, on my own. Except I don't bake cakes anymore because it's sad to eat one by yourself and have it dry out before it's eaten. *sad face*

That's all for now. I'll have more soon, I'm sure.

Rob Bell...

"It's all the twists and turns that have shaped you. So the question is, am I responding and becoming the kind of person God intended me to be? becuase ther are somethings we can only learn from the curves, the witsts and the bends."

"The only guarantee you get is that God will journey with you."

Ouch, Rob, the truth you speak hurts.

so i'm offering it up
and i'm giving it to you
my frustration in a bottle
to do with it what you do

save me from my self lord
from all these earthly outs
shine a light to mark my path
that i may see what you're about


-thanks friend, this is good.

I forgot to tell you...

One of the other things that gives me anxiety is children.

Which is one of the reasons I'm hesitant about becoming an aunt. I'm going to be an aunt. Jason and Melissa are popping one out.

But I think it is interesting that my brother's myspace page says he's "undecided" about kids and Melissa's says "love kids, but not for me".

Thunder stealers.... The only thing I can do to get thunder again is to get married. And we all know that isn't going to happen any time soon.

That's all.

The birds! The birds!!

I like to consider myself fairly easy going. I don't get worked up over much, only the things that are near and dear to me.

But there's one thing that causes me a lot of anxiety.

Birds.

I know, it seems silly, but I promise you that they are out for me. The purposely dive bomb my car in an attempt to run me off the road, give me a stroke, hit me in the face with their beaks, or just generally freak me out.

It all started about 2 and a half months ago. I started noticing that birds were not getting out of the road when I approached, and they seemed to fly out in front of my car a lot.

And then, it happened.

It was a bright sunny morning and Lindsey and I were taking a little drive up to Hamilton in the middle of May, and as usual a bird flew out in front of me. Except this time, the bird stalled in the middle of the road and *SMACK* into my windshield!!! After a slightly major freak out, I began to wonder about the bird I hit. I had this sneaking suspicion that the thing was hanging on to my car, just waiting to attack me. Luckily it was back in the vicinity of where it hit my car, probably just chillin' like a dead bird. hehehe.

Anyway, Erin was lucky enough on Saturday to experience the treachery that is my life. This bird totally came after my car and she witnessed first hand how they have it out for me.

So, this is to tell you that I have a rational fear of birds and they give me mild anxiety. It's nice to meet you to. :)